Ears in the Walls
by Mana-Garmr
Summary: Short little story that I just yanked over from The Reaper. Slight language, some immaturity, not much else. Rated T for that little bit of language I guess...


**Warnings:** Sorry, this is just some short, stupid bull that I scratched out a while ago, and am uploading here today because life in general is kicking my ass right now, so I need some humor to brighten my day. So, if you like this story for its frequent angst and dark moments, and the comedic streak that's been running through it lately bothers you… have no fear, because I'm not done abusing Reno yet, he's just getting a reprieve for all of the previous shit I put him through.

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_Ears in the Walls_

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"Have you noticed how the only missions Tseng sends us out on are stakeouts? And nothing ever happens on them? Everyone _else_ gets to do interesting stuff. They break in to places and steal shit. They assassinate people. They have stakeouts where they're actually _watching_ something. Not us. I'm starting to think that the boss doesn't like you or something." Rude yawned, pocketing his keys after locking the office door. Reno had a point about the boring stakeout missions, but Rude didn't really have the heart to inform him that Tseng had never had a problem with _Rude_. Telling him wouldn't stop Reno from complaining anyway, and Rude was enough of a sucker for the redhead's frequent sad-kicked-puppy-dog looks that he didn't want to take the risk of saying anything anyway.

Reno continued talking as they walked down the hall, waving his hands around in the air to emphasize his points. Rude paced by his side calmly, adeptly dodging the swinging EMR whenever it came close to hitting him in the face, a skill he'd grown highly proficient at over the course of the past month. "…I mean, what's the point, when you think about it? We get absolutely nothing accomplished, unless you count sitting on your ass until it goes numb an accomplishment. I could go to a _bar_ and do that." He paused. "Why _don't_ we go to a bar instead?"

"Last time we went to a bar, we woke up to me drooling on your face. You complained about it for two solid weeks."

"Well… it was kind of gross, yo. I mean, you were _drooling_ on me." Reno eyed him, clearly still under the belief that Rude had broken an inviolable code of partnership by the act. Rude shrugged, and Reno rolled his eyes, continuing along on his earlier train of thought. "Uncool drooling issues _aside_, we should definitely go out drinking tonight instead of going on this stakeout. It'd definitely be a better use of our time."

"Heidegger's making us do this one, not Tseng."

"So? That makes it easier to excuse not going."

"Heidegger has a temper."

"…So?"

"So we should just get the mission over with and not piss him off."

Reno stopped and turned to face Rude, sighing. "Rude. I've _met_ Heidegger. You had to _steal_ his _chair_ to save it from being crushed into oblivion. The guy is a complete _lard-ass_. He probably throws lard-eating parties with Palmer _every day_. The fat bastard would have to _catch_ me before he could punish me from skipping out on a mission, and to be perfectly honest, unless I happened to be running with a _donut_ in my hand, he'd never catch me."

Rude lunged forward in a state of panic and clapped a hand over Reno's mouth before he could continue, hissing at him to keep quiet. His head swiveled back and forth, as though he'd heard someone coming and was searching for the source of the noise. Reno stared at him, too startled and unnerved to consider trying to lick Rude's palm to make him remove his hand, and Rude straightened after a moment, letting Reno go and straightening his tie as though nothing had happened.

"What the fuck was _that_ about?!"

Rude grunted. "Heidegger. He has ears _everywhere_." His deep voice rumbled ominously as he continued, "You have to be careful about what he hears you say, or else…" He shook his head, too disturbed by the thought of what Heidegger was capable of to continue. Reno had gone into full-blown freak-out mode now, practically hysterical at how serious Rude was being, and slightly terrified that Heidegger might actually have heard him talking.

"Or else _what_, Rude? What's that crazy asshole gonna _do_ to me?"

Rude looked around again, making absolutely sure that nobody was around before leaning in, speaking lowly to avoid eavesdroppers. Reno leaned in too, desperate to hear what Rude was about to say. His partner's next words could, after all, mean the difference between a relatively comfortable, albeit somewhat boring, life, and a highly _un_comfortable, pain-filled existence.

"Or else… he might eat you." Rude straightened again, looking at Reno as though nothing were out of the ordinary. Reno stared back, gears shifting as his mind tried to process what he'd just been told. Then he burst into laughter, cackling uncontrollably until his sides heaved and he was unable to breath. Rude merely smirked, inordinately pleased with himself, before Reno finally caught his breath, clapping Rude on the shoulder.

"Holy _shit_ Rude… That was a good one." He paused, grinning, and his eyes lit up ('_Like little blue Christmas lights sparkling from Hell,_' Rude thought, amused)."Hey, just don't talk around Tseng, any more than you usually do, I mean. Wouldn't want Dot-Head thinking I'm being too much of a bad influence on you or anything." He smirked, jostling Rude in the side with his elbow, before beginning to turn and walk towards the elevator, not paying attention to where he was going and completely missing the look of dread that had just crossed his partner's face. "C'mon yo, let's get this stupid fucking mission done with so we can go out and get wasted."

_Thump_.

Reno abruptly wound up on his ass on the floor, and looked up to swear at whoever he'd run into. Dark hair, cold black eyes, dot… _'Oh shit._' He scrambled to his feet, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Uh, hey there, boss-man… Just, uh, headed out to…"

He trailed off when Tseng just glared at him. The older Turk stepped aside, making it clear that he wanted Reno out of his sight. Now.

"Right." Reno scrambled past him, hoping to avoid extra paperwork through swift compliance. Rude followed him at a slower pace, chuckling as he went.

Tseng turned and stared, surprised. Rude had been a Turk for nearly seven years. In all of that time, Tseng had not once heard him laugh.

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**A/N:**

Check out the _Reaper_ for my latest actual **A/N** regarding Reno's story :)

**Reviews**

**Earthbender** – Now that I've pulled my head out of my ass and actually planned (ZOMFG!) the next part of _Reaper_, there will indeed be a –real– chapter update soon –dancedance–

**Tala** – He is a deceptively snarky individual when you get to know him . (I wanted to use that line so bad in the story, but that one I _know_ is ripped off from someone else, so… :( )

**Soppakulho** – heh, I kind of feel bad for pulling the chapter down now… at least I can offer hope for another update in the next few days though .

**Silvermoon** – I think I've mostly managed to work out what is my original thought and what's someone else's stuff, so I should be able to pull the next pieces together now (and at the very least, I remember where to look now for the stories that I keep thinking of that I was reading, to make sure I –don't– steal their stuff). Glad you're enjoying it :)

**Mistbender** – heh, I've been putting off coloring anything for soo long now… but at the same time I want to hook my tablet up so bad . bah.

**Rulisu** – I'm going to hold you to that cookie promise! Heh, you probably know me by now (and my **A/N** over at _Reaper_ definitely told you if you didn't), but oh yeah, poor Reno is going to go through sooo much hell :p Still rockin' strong in Midgar though :) maybe soon I'll even get him to a point where he really _is_ happy and not just putting up a typical teenager-style front to hide his real feelings… I keep forgetting that he's only 17 or so at this point in the story (gah, I'm not that much older, but it seems like so long since high school… wtf is up with that? :( )


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